Healing Hillary

this moment

One little moment from my week that I am in love with. A moment I am grateful I caught on film. A moment I embraced, discovered and felt connected. 

If you'd like, please feel free to share your moment in the comment section.

 

found (again!)

Just letting time take time, all is found. Really...it is true and the proof, well it's available here and here as well as in the photos above. The box of children's Christmas presents, handmade dolls, was found. It really wasn't a box afterall, but an envelope and it was in our pantry. Of all places, I would never have guess we would find it there. But alas, a little pantry sorting uncovered many things including the sweet dolls intended for my children. So Christmas was celebrated again, briefly in our house...on a chilly January evening. And it was perfect. Period.

Now would it be asking too much to find my green handknit shawl? Yes, that would really be lovely. I suppose it will resurface...all in (perfect) timing.

mama works

I am working. It was one reason for our move. When people ask what I do, I often reply...I don't even know how to describe it. But it is work, and I look at it as such since it provides for my family and secures our future. I've donned big girl clothes and gone to offices for meetings. It is a shift for me and my family. For the past 5 plus years, I've been "Mama" and all of the work that goes with that. Now I have two hats and it presents a different set of challenges. I am grateful for this new endevor and the chance to grow to meet it. 

It's going to be a wild ride...I can already tell. 

serenity

I found it! My serenity! A couple of weeks ago I posted that that with the move and all we have a list of things that are missing, one of which was my serenity. Well...I found it!

Yesterday I was going through boxes, sorting, organizing and just generally trying to make sense of all of the boxes that are now in our basement, ones containing mostly things we don't anticipate needing for a while as we live in this temporary place. But most of these boxes have something that we do need...sigh. So I took my list and started sifting and shifting. One box I came upon had the above bracelet in it. It was boxed up with a humidifier, lavender scented blanket, and some canning jars. Yup, true story. That's where I found my serenity [bracelet], in the form I made at a retreat two autumns ago. And now I am wearing it! 

I am chosing to take this as a sign of good things to come. Serenity, yes!

right on time

It's still January right? Yes? Winter....?

I laughed when I saw these little (what I assume to be) crocus bulbs starting to emerge. The weather has been warm here, but I suppose I don't really even know what is typical here having just moved. But I make up the story that these little bulbs are emerging a bit before their time. That they too might be impatient.

Though I am *always* surprised at Mother Nature and her ability to make even the unlikely turn out beautifully. And with that thought, I will try to suspend my disbelief and watch the unfurling of these flowers. As is one of my favorite quotes says, "instead of automatically assuming I am wrong, I will consider the possibility that I might be right on time." Perhaps we both are right on time...the bulbs and I.

time

Time...goodness, where ever does it go? Can I make more? 

My *want* to do lists are growing. I need to take a good look at what I am doing that I want to let go of, because there are so many things that I want to do and cannot seem to make the time for. So in that there is a flux...a bit of releasing and a bit of anticipation. But I sit with the question, what do I *want* to do with my time? because really, I think that should come first. Dishes, laundry, and the like can fit in around the rest. Right?

this moment

One little moment from my week that I am in love with. A moment I am grateful I caught on film. A moment I embraced, discovered and felt connected. 

If you'd like, please feel free to share your moment in the comment section.

 

imperfectly

I don't give myself much room often for imperfection. But the wise words of Joel Salatin echo in my mind, "good enough is perfect." And it's true. I stagnate when I have too high of expectations for myself and resist diving in. But it's the diving in part where there is growth, where it gets messy and often where it gets fun. A good friend of mine says, "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing imperfectly." She is so right. 

So as I am slowly returning to writing and posting a bit here, I think that my growth can be currently marked in my photos...you know the imperfect ones I've posted as of late. My iPhone takes photos, it is lightweight and is usually close at hand. I cannot fiddle with it too much or lose the moment trying to catch the light just so (thank you simplicity). I don't have to beg my daughter to go back or do that again so I can capture a perfect photo, knowing that everything is perfect except the spirit of the photo. So this is what I capture...it's real, it's a bit raw and is unedited...and really, I think that's just how I want to live life right now, just for now.

And with that I will also allow myself the flexibility to pick up my big Cannon with the fancy lense from time to time too...as the spirit moves me. This life is what I choose. In that, I find boundless beauty and freedom.

firsts

T bustled into our room this morning all ready for her first day at her new school. And I wasn't quite ready. I quickly curled her into the bed with me to snuggle for a few more minutes. While it was her first day of school at a new school, I knew that today was not a day for rushing. It was a time for savoring. 

As we all dropped her off, I reminded her (probably for the second, ok...third time) that I would take a photo of her at the door of her new classroom before we kissed her goodbye. Later, as I looked at the photo, I noticed the obvious look of "Come on Mama, I am ready to get in there." Sigh. How do ever they grow so fast? 

Days ago my wise husband suggested we go to a new favorite coffee shop after dropping her off. And the warm latte was so welcomed. For a moment, I was able to put my feet up in conversation with my honey as my littlest one walked around the table investigating. As I looked around at us I noticed that we all had on mama-knit hats. It truly is the little things. This recognition gave me a little lift remembering that T too had on a mama-knit hat this morning (and a sweater too).

So it was a day of firsts. Certainly most obviously is first day of new school. But there were others as well. First coffee date with my 'guys', first structured day, first time I saw the baby vie for his big sister's attention upon their reunion, first day of mama-knits this year, first tales of new friends...I am grateful I can watch it. Perhaps that is the biggest first. 

testing

Ahem, so I just started back writing because, well I missed it. And I didn't think that anyone was really reading it. Until I got a few comments and my husband ever so gently noted that I had published misspelled words. OK so let me come clear...I am not asleep at the wheel...I am just a bad speller. 

To appease the masses (well the one man I live with and the few of you out there reading)...I went back and spell-checked and corrected my misspellings. I hope you will excuse my humanness, because it's very likely to happen again. Yup, that's just me.